I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
