You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
