What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
