you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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