i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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