I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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