I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
