So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
