Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
