How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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