Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
