You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
