In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it's like iHOP with fire
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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