I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
