Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
