I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
