I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize