I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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