Welp...herpes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
