is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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