coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
