Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
