i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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