New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will pee on everything he values.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
