I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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