took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
