im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
