i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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