A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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