you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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