my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
