the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
