the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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