I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I only lived at night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
