She is in my trunk
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize