So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
