I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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