Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
