ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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