Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
