best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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