I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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