You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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