Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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