I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
