Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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