I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
