Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
