just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
