I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
