so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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