My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
