I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
