I puked a lego.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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