3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
