is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
