Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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