The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
