Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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