Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
