she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
