Can i not drive my cunt home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
