five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
