call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
