these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
