i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
