OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
