Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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