Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
