If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
