why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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