Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
