I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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