first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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