every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
