That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
