I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't turn off my feet"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
