Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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