I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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