Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
