there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
