Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
