3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
